Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? Exploring Types of Narcissism -
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A Classical and Modern
Theme
The term
narcissism comes from the classical story of Narcissus. The most well known
version was written by the Latin poet Ovid (died 17 C.E.). Briefly: Some traits of narcissism
are obvious in this story. These include:
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The great
authors have also portrayed narcissism, usually in ways far more vivid than any
psychological writer. A lawyer, in one of Camus’ novels, indulged in a
prolonged ‘confession’ in an This chilling portrayal is
a vivid example of a personality completely dominated by narcissism.
Narcissism is here expressed in ‘neon lights’. M. Scott Peck, author of The
Road Less Traveled, was one of the first popular writers to address the
topic of narcissism. He later said, ‘My own view is that we are all born
narcissists.’ Usually we grow out of it. However, if childhood is far from
ideal the essential immaturity of narcissism is never left behind. The
survival value of being self-centered - ‘I look after myself’ - is retained
in the face of adversity. Narcissism is not ‘out
there’. Everyone is self-centered to some extent. It is more of a spectrum,
but some people have more of a problem than others. And this will affect
almost all areas of life including work, leisure, relationships and
well-being. It is not surprising that people with narcissistic issues will
often present for psychotherapy. |
Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? Exploring Types of Narcissism -
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Ben Bursten
has identified four types of narcissistic personality:
Proposing Nine Types of
Narcissism
In
classical mythology the serpent Hydra had nine heads. Every time Heracles cut
off a head two new heads appeared. In a similar way narcissism may be seen as
one disorder but with nine different types: Craver, Special Lover, Martyr,
Rescuer, Rager, Trickster, Body Shaper, Power Broker, and Fantasy Maker. The Craver
The Craver
has a bottomless well of need. It is experienced as an aching hunger that is
rarely satisfied. He or she finds it hard to hold on to the experience of
being loved. There is an on-off quality, like a supply line, which
unfortunately is disconnected whenever the partner is absent. Naturally this
can be very frustrating for the other person who will say something like,
‘But I spent two hours with you yesterday! Doesn’t that count for something?’
This places insistent demands on others - which can never be fully satisfied.
The fundamental problem is an inability to soothe, nurture, comfort or
sustain the self. |
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A Craver
may believe that that they have an abundance of love to give, but what is
given is always with ‘strings attached’. ‘I NEED LOVE!’ is what is really
communicated. A Craver may have a haunting
sense of anxiety and a terrible fear of abandonment. There is always an edge
of desperation. Vera dressed in a way
one of her friends called ‘loud’. She was certainly attractive and had no
difficulties attracting interest, but keeping a partner was another matter.
There was something intense about her that led to relationships ending
suddenly. She was usually surprised and somewhat mystified. What is behind the facade
is a clinging dependence in relationships. Partners may experience endless
frustration trying to meet escalating demands. Giving is like pouring sand
into a sieve. And the needs can be so overwhelming that they are met in
manipulative and even exploitive ways. Special Lover
The Special
Lover is a ‘true believer’ in the ideology of romantic love. A citizen of a
far away land. Naturally a pure romantic is exciting, stimulating, even
exhilarating. There may be a rich emotional life, full of feeling and perhaps
selective empathy. Intimacy is easy based on unguarded self-disclosure. But
there is an underlying theme of grandiosity: ‘Our love is unique. No one can
love you like I can. You may be in pain, but my love can heal.’ Initially
there is idealization, then denial but eventually a realization of an
unwelcome reality. The veneer over a broken self may be quite thin and
surprisingly brittle. In the intensity of unique love the fracture lines can
be ignored - for a while. But eventually intense romance gives way to
disappointment. |
Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? Exploring Types of Narcissism -
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Stan was
a ‘hopeless romantic’. He went on the TV show Perfect Match and genuinely
believed that fate was at work. He described himself quite realistically as a
genuine sort of person who was always faithful. He could also be amazingly
selfless in a relationship, always forgiving, and yet his romances were fleeting.
Something would ‘snap’ after the quiet dinners, romantic walks and the poetry
he wrote. He was a good lover with mutual highs best described as ecstatic.
But eventually reality would intrude. And it was a reality that he could not
control. In the aftermath he was left with complete anguish and a pain that
would not dissipate until the next time he fell in love. There is at least two
aspects to this vulnerability. The inner self of a Special Lover is often
highly vulnerable to any slights - real or imagined - and bleeding wounds
persist from past romantic encounters. Also there is a remarkable intolerance
for any imperfection in the partner. Once admitted this means the end of the
dream. All this adds to the growing instability in the relationship and often
explosive conclusion. What is challenge for the
Special Lover? Ironically it is to accept the ordinary pleasures of a
relationship - not being unrealistically special - but real and ultimately
satisfying. Power Broker
The Power
Broker is in love with power. It may be expressed in bullying ways -
humiliating and even terrorizing employees. Or it may be cold and
bureaucratic. But power is embraced and used in an instrumental fashion. Arrogance is the most
obvious quality of the Power Broker who has arrived. Ambition is most
apparent on the way up. There is a profound lack of empathy for others.
Contempt is shown for ‘inferiors’ who are barely recognized as human.
Decisions are made without thought of the consequences for those affected.
All that is important is the pursuit of career goals. |
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Grandiosity
is expressed outwardly in terms of success. There is never enough achievement
to match the inner image of success. Others are often used in exploitive ways
with a sense of entitlement, ‘Why shouldn’t I do this? I deserve...’ Malcolm was a high
flyer. He was the youngest senior executive in the history of a large
computer company. Naturally he was competent. The highest level of management
loved the results he produced, but the cost was less obvious. Gradually his
reputation was tarnished with escalating numbers of employee resignations and
stress claims. Although this description
of the Power Broker is hardly flattering, such a person can be charming and
have qualities widely admired in our society. Status and power attract. There
can even be a genuine sense of benevolence towards others - though mostly in
somewhat patronizing ways. Power Brokers seem to have
different kinds of romantic relationships. Typical is the ‘trophy’
relationship in which an attractive partner is displayed along with other
tokens of status. Relationships are usually troubled. The Power Broker has an
impoverished inner life with little to give in any emotional sense. The
partner feels a growing dissatisfaction and inevitable frustration. But then
neither is the person with narcissistic issues particularly happy. The
demands of intimacy can be overwhelming and even frightening. This can lead
to inner turmoil because emotional needs are still present. The Broker also finds it
natural to also use power in relationships. A partner may experience this as
being very possessive and highly controlling - or simply abusive. Body Shaper
The Body
Shaper looks good! But the assets are all external. The values are familiar:
image, fashion, glamour, youth and beauty. This form of narcissism is so much
part of our times that it is hardly obvious. |
Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? Exploring Types of Narcissism -
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What I am
identifying is not just a office worker on the way to the gym for a regular
workout but a disturbance in personality. There is an exaggerated need for
admiration. Characteristics include self-esteem linked to body image, a
nagging perfectionism, and an obsession with the perfect body. Brent spent hours each
day ‘working out’. He ‘sculpted’ his body following the advice of his
trainer. He was not interested in body building competitions, instead he
would revel in admiring glances at the disco. He had what he considered a
shameful secrete. He used steroids.
It is usually easy to
attract people. The problem is in the longer term relationship. It is almost
incomprehensible that this might prove to be difficult. How could a beautiful
person have problems? Shouldn’t it all be easy? The Body Shaper tends to externalize
internal problems, as if adding muscle bulk or looking more beautiful will
solve anything. Denial is the most common defense. It is a refusal to see
what eventually extends to trying to fight the aging process. This is the
ultimate narcissistic injury. The beauty of the Body
Shaper may be only ‘skin deep’. The inner world can be empty and bleak. The
intensity and depth of need is frightening. Curiously this can lead to both
‘throw away’ relationships and a deep dependency on an intimate other. This
emotional need can be smothering and controlling, leading to a growing crisis
and eventually a sudden ending - with sometimes desperate consequences. Rager
The Rager
is a common and somewhat obvious narcissistic type of personality. A barely
controlled rage simmers below the surface and often lashes out at anyone
nearby. Unhappiness is expressed with increasing hostility. There are
episodes of explosive rage with ‘irrational’, mystifying or unexplainable
causes. Violence may be a factor. |
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What is
most characteristic is hypersensitivity to any perceived insult - whether
intended or not. Everything is taken personally and usually interpreted as an
attack. What sparks the rage is narcissistic injury. The world may be seen in
‘black and white’ terms. Projecting blame is a ‘knee jerk reaction’. The
subjective experience of rage may be accompanied by interpretations of
malignant intent. Not surprisingly such reasoning may have a paranoid
quality. For years Betty ruled her family with her unpredictable explosions
of anger. Gradually she alienated everyone. After 16 years of marriage Eric
left for a younger woman. It was his ‘bid for a new life’ but he then
instituted a custody fight for the three teenage children. Perhaps surprising
to no one but Betty - the children expressed a unanimous desire to live with
their father. Anger feels like anger - naturally. But it is important to
focus on the underlying, perhaps more uncomfortable, emotions. This may
include sadness, fear, shame or despair. What is absent is a capacity to
modulate intense emotions including, but not limited to anger. A relationship with a Rager
is always exciting if only for the variation in emotions and unpredictable
behavior. But this is not the whole story. Some Ragers can be very loving and
generous in affection. The aftermath of even ugly conflict can be intense
sexual encounters which feel all the more erotic because of earlier menace.
The Rager can be intensely controlling and it is almost the norm that the
relationship will be abusive. Trickster
The
Trickster is charming and may have many social graces. Adjectives of first
impression are easy to find: engaging, smooth and inviting. Unfortunately
this attractiveness is a veneer on a disturbed personality. Behind the ‘trust
me’ messages you will find a malicious intent. It is the personality of the
‘con-artist’. The motives are covert and include exploitation, limitless
entitlement and a cruel twist when the victim realizes the script of
betrayal. |
Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? Exploring Types of Narcissism -
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Nathan
came into the bank completely distraught. Sophia, his de facto for the
previous six months, had gone overseas for what he thought would be a brief
holiday. Before she left she asked him if she could use his Master Card if
there was an emergency. He was puzzled when she did not return on schedule
and then discovered to his horror that she had charged over $26,000 to his
account. The Trickster is ruthless
in relationships. He or she delights in fooling the trusting lover with
betrayals such as sexual infidelity, fraud, or criminal conspiracy. Usually
there is intrigue and considerable pleasure in the set-up. The theme of
manipulation is always central. Inevitably trust is shattered. In this
elaborate way the Trickster is justified in the contempt of victim ‘who was
easily fooled’. There may be an underlying theme of gender revenge on the
opposite (or same) sex. Unfortunately the Trickster comes in many guises and
almost all hard to recognize (until too late!). It is a cruel game. The
impact on the victim is usually shattering. It can be likened to psychic
vandalism. The resulting damage is not easily repaired and may take years of
patient re-building of boundaries, finding ways of better self-protection and
perhaps eventually the capacity to trust again. Jung offered a more playful
version of the Trickster. While each of the archetypes has a shadow side, in
this context the Trickster is very dark indeed and more akin to the
psychopathic personality. Fantasy Maker
Fantasy
Maker has an elaborate inner world. All excitement is in the realm of
fantasy. The real world intrudes, naturally, but it is exactly that - an
intrusion and often resented. He or she may have an external appearance of
superficiality, flightiness, and emptiness. There may also be considerable
social anxiety and awkwardness. It is inner riches, outer poverty. |
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The
allegiance of the person caught up in fantasy is always to that inner world.
The external impression may not be of a self-centered person, but the I
within is always a hero in some guise or other. Grandiosity is located in the
inner life. If you believe the illusion it is to be significant, beautiful,
admired, loved, and everything wonderful. It is an inflated self. The fantasy
evokes a good feeling on demand. The inner world is the
realm of gratification. Reality is cold and harsh - to be avoided as long as
possible. It is hardly surprising that there can be a pervasive distrust of
outer reality that is often frustrating and withholding. These needs can be
so powerful that retreat is necessary. Rather than enhancing
personal growth fantasy feeds the illusion of independence. It is the perfect
escape for the perfectionist. Derek was an isolated
teenager. He played Dungeons and Dragons. He had a couple of friends but it
was based only on involvement in the games. He played out his fantasies of
acquired magical powers. What made him good at the game made him strange in
normal social interaction. It is easier to be a
Fantasy Maker in isolation. People tend to intrude and potentially mess
things up. The way back to reality is to shift the loyalty from the realm of
fantasy to the world everyone else shares. Martyr
For the
Martyr suffering is all. It is almost the only focus; the horizon of
awareness. Personal identity is constructed around being in pain... or being
a victim... or a survivor. Pain justifies a pervasive self focus, with
parasitic demands and potentially exploitive relationships. A Martyr carries a lot of
emotional baggage. Past pain is never really past. |
Narcissism: A Nine Headed Hydra? Exploring Types of Narcissism -
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It
contaminates present problems and makes it impossible to find any emotional
clarity. In a sense there is never too much pain. The art of self-sabotage is
perfected and provides an endless source of raw material. But this pain is not
ordinary pain. It is narcissistic pain with grandiose features: ‘No one has
suffered as I have suffered.’ This is the only consolation. There may be a
transcendent dimension with religious meaning. God sanctions the pain. Denise exaggerated her
mild physical problems. Medical opinion was unanimous so she turned to more
fringe views in the New Age movement. She was very dogmatic about what she
saw as a divinely sanctioned vocation to suffer. The Martyr most easily
forms relationships with someone who ‘needs to be needed’. The victim story
can be captivating and even controlling. It is a way of exercising
considerable power in a relationship or family. But the inevitable lack of
balance can backfire. It is hardly surprising that friends and family
eventually feel manipulated and resentful. When everyone leaves the Martyr
has yet another reason for self-pity. It is important to make a
distinction between healthy and unhealthy pain. What needs to be faced may be
painful, but this is the way of growth. In contrast avoiding necessary pain
leads to what has been called ‘dirty pain’. The Martyr is a master at this
kind of endless self-defeating pain. It is a narcissistic defense to avoid
legitimate pain. The Rescuer
The Rescuer
is usually seen as virtuous. Such people inhabit the ‘high moral ground’ of
relationships. They are always helpful, considerate, and nice. Well, almost
always. Rescuers are drawn to unbalanced relationships. Usually they will
over-function in the relationship and will often feel exhaustion and
resentment. The question is eventually asked, ‘Why aren’t my needs being
met?’ |
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Just how is
this narcissistic? After all some people are just being helpful. But the
Rescuer has an hidden grandiosity: ‘It is only me that can really change
things.’ It is the grandiosity that distinguishes the Rescuer from what has
been labeled codependency. The common ground includes: always remaining in
control, emotional pursuing and unacknowledged needs. Both may be hidden in a
helping profession including psychology, social work, medicine, pastoral care
or counselling. Blurred boundaries are natural in this form of narcissism. Vince was working in a
free legal service in an impoverished inner city area. He had an unusual zeal
in his work. But as a zealot he could be scathing of other members of the
legal profession who were not as motivated by his high ideals. He often
worked seven day weeks and would take calls late into the night. He found it
impossible to go on holidays since ‘My people need me.’ A colleague, Dr Malise
Arnstein, observed that the Rescuer is a ‘loan shark’ in relationships. The
gift is always with strings attached. This may gradually become more obvious
and can include financial or sexual exploitation. The dark side is most
obvious when there is a guru or messianic quality in a religious leader. It is hard for the Rescuer
to step out of role. It’s origin may be in childhood with the parentified
child in a dysfunctional family. The difficult way forward is to break the
stereotyped nature of relationships, allow more vulnerability to show, to
both give and receive, and to even encourage the more childlike qualities of
spontaneity, joy, emotional expression and playfulness. Conclusion
There are
no absolutely pure types. Narcissism, like coffee, usually comes in blends.
For example a Craver who becomes a Rager when needs are blocked. Some types
may be close such as the Power Broker and Rager, or Craver and Special Lover.
Each of the types is a caricature but even an artificial schema can help to
illuminate therapeutic |
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issues. Nor
should this obscure the reality that real people hurt and that narcissism is
in part a defense. As analyst Neville Symington observed, ‘When narcissism is
opted for, it is to protect the individual against appalling pain.’ This understanding of the
types of narcissism is offered in the hope that it might be helpful to
distinguish cold from warm varieties of narcissism. The more general DSMIV
description is of a cold variety characterized by being aloof and arrogant.
This comes through in types such as the Power Broker and Trickster. Perhaps
also in cold types of the Rager. However it is equally obvious that some
varieties of narcissism are warm and relationship centered. This will include
the Craver and Special Lover. Some, such as the Body Shaper and Fantasy
Maker, can be either. Near the end of the Steve
Martin film Parenthood there is a poignant scene. The grandmother, who
everybody assumed to be senile, comes out with a wise metaphor of life. It
can be seen as either a merry-go-round or a roller coaster. So too in our psychotherapy
with clients with narcissistic issues. With better understanding we can get
off the merry-go-round and move to a roller coaster. At least then there will
be a sense of progress. |
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References
Bursten
Ben, 1986,‘Some Narcissistic Personality Types’, in Andrew P.
Morrison, Essential Papers on Narcissism, New York Universities Press, Camus A., 1956, The Fall,
Vintage Books, Donaldson-Pressman S. and
Pressman R , 1994, The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment, Lasch C. ,1979, The
Culture of Narcissism. Symington Neville, 1993 , Narcissism:
A New Theory, Karnac, The Metamorphoses of
Ovid, Trans. Allen
Mandelbaum, Harcourt Brace and Co, 1993. A clear and readable version. Dr Bruce A. Stevens is
with Canberra Clinical and Forensic Psychology and lectures in Pastoral
Counselling at the School of Theology, |
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